Thursday, March 24, 2011

Almost 10 years of friendship, festering into hatred and anger. WTF MAN

I'm so sick of this. I try to reach out to him and let him know that I still care about him and want to be his friend. I've tried multiple times. But every single freaking time, I get rejection, cruelty and hostility. I'm so completely exhausted from caring about those who obviously couldn't give the slightest shit about me. I miss my best friend. I don't deserve this; I KNOW I deserve better... But a part of me still hopes. A part of me still holds out for that one day when he'll just accept my apology [though I STILL don't know what exactly it was that I did to fuck up the friendship, as his accusations are absurd and bear no truth]... I don't know why the hell I keep trying. I am SO OBSCENELY TIRED OF CARING. I've never been one to let things roll off my back, and when such resentful and hateful things are coming from someone I still really care about, it's that much worse.

I keep telling myself I haven't the energy to keep trying... But I'm stubborn and persistent. Good traits for a gamer, atrocious ones for the situation at hand. And no matter how many times I tell myself I won't message him again, it happens and I'm stuck in my room at night crying again.


Maybe it wasn't really a friendship. Maybe I'm trying to revive something that was dead before it began.
Either way, I wish I could obliterate him from my memory and deem him dead to me as much and as harshly as he's done to me. I truly wish it. But it won't happen... I'll just keep turning the other cheek for him to slap over.. and over.. and over... and over again.

18 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry :/ no one deserves to be hurt like that.. but its life and people get hurt and you just gotta keep yourself up and let nothing stop you.

    take care.

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  2. I know how you feel. I'm sorry and hope things get better.

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  3. I know it sucks but the people around you can be a huge influence on your mental health...sometimes it's better to just let go.

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  4. the exact same thing is happening to me, I feel for you.

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  5. Serious male and female friendships don't work. Don't bother trying.

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  6. i agree with sean following this blog!

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  7. Better as a friend than to lose him forever. But I feel your pain. :( Following.

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  8. Sounds like the beginning of Eternal Sunshine.

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  9. One of my best friends is a girl...but it's hard sometimes not to have feelings for her and feel like an inadequate git when you see her date all kinds of guys except you...

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  10. Don't give up! It'l be okay in a while. Keep telling yourself that!

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  11. I guess best of luck... hope friendships can be repaired. Followed.

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  12. relationships are tricky monsters

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  13. Adding feelings into a relationship always complicates everything. If the guy's original intentions were purely romantic or just for friendship and your intentions at some point clash, things go bad. It sucks but you gotta keep going :)

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  14. I can't say i've really experienced that before, I forget people quickly after a month or 2. Still its really sad.

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  15. Sorry :/ I know the feeling... friendships can stab you in the back sometimes :(

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  16. really good post

    + follower:)

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  17. Someone always needs to be the better person in a breakup. You should be proud it's you!

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