Thursday, March 24, 2011

Where would I be if...?

Last night I found an old childhood friend on facebook from when I use to live in KSJDLASKJDKA and I looked through her friends to see if I recognized any of the names. I haven’t seen these people since the 5th grade, so names (and definitely faces) were kind of fuzzy in my memory, but I recognized a few. I was taken back as to how old they all looked…they looked like ADULTS. If they look like an adult then I must be an adult too…*snicker* I browsed some of the profiles to see where life had taken my fellow classmates- some were in serious relationships, married, in college, had kids, or appeared to be going no where in life (had made some obvious bad choices).

This led me to think- what if I had never moved to SLKDJFKLSAJ and stayed in WEKJRKLWEJRLKF? How much different would my life be? Would I be in college now? Would have I even graduated from high school? Would I have figured out I was gay, or would I be settled down with some guy? Would I had been happy? Depressed? Liberal? Religious? What kind of experiences, good or bad, would have defined and shaped my life? Who would have been my friends? Would I have married my childhood bestfriend/”sweetheart”?

When I think about it, I don’t think I would have liked the person I could have possibly been- I like how life has shaped me. It’s so crazy to think about how different my life could have been. I love my life and all the things that I stand for, believe in, the people who I have encircled around me, and everything that has brought me to where I am now. I wouldn’t change it for anything in the world- I am so very grateful for everything and everyone that has shaped me.

That being said, I think if I could have 3 wishes, one of them would be to see what my life would have been like had I had never moved, just for a day, or just a detailed glimpse of how things would be. It’s almost overwhelming to think how certain life events can have drastic consequences on your future. What if I never got into LJWELKJRLK? Would I have went somewhere else (according to my mother, damn right I would have went somewhere else, although I still don’t think I am the prime example of what a college student is or should be)? What if I had never took that leap of “faith” and never kissed that girl that day? What if I had never responded to that inbox message that turned out to be sent by the person that I am going to spend the rest of my life with? I look back on these few, but trivial events in my life and it scares me just how close I came to not going down the path that I did.

Some would say that asking "What if", harbors doubt and regret, but not in this case. This what if is fueled by curiosity as to how decisions, impacts the rest of your life. When I think about what could have possibly been, I am only reassured that I love my life the way it is, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

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